Waiting in the LINE at the DMV

Good God I have been here for nearly 1.5 hours. Right now #G239 is being served and I am #G282. That’s 43 more people to go IF no F numbers are recalled. I’m just here to replace an ID.

Incidentally, I now finally have my phone. It is a used iPhone 8, I got a little overexcited because it came in a box for the iPhone X. Right now it is at 9% and it was at 33% I am hoping the battery life is decent, the one on my old 7 plus was great iirc.

Back to the DMV: currently serving #F066, f***.

By the time I’m now posting this #G245 is being served. This is bosh! Also, my phone is at 3% and so far the battery life is disappointing.

Wealthy in Food Stamps

Despite not currently having a phone, I recently renewed my EBT card with food stamps and cash benefits. I hadn’t used it in a year, and while the cash was expunged for overpayment, I still received a little over $1700 in food stamps. This makes things very easy for me, I wonder how long it will last! I have this wealth, plus enough for cigarettes, am productive recently, and will be obtaining a used iPhone 8 sent in the mail.


Phoneless Man’s Status

Procrastinating…f Phone didn’t come in the mail this week. Making a lot of MUSIC, with FL Studio, I’m getting better at this. Must continue downloading random free samples. Made quick mandala recently, originally drafted on a sticky note looking better than the reproduction in my composition book. “Autodrawing,” it looks like a snowflake with a bowling ball face. Snowflake? I dreamed the other day about “snow lost.” I was shaving off snowflakes from a miniature snowflake garden (like the Zen sand gardens) singing “snow lost, snow lost” as a girl hums pleasantly corresponding to the singing as I wake up…

Sick AF on Sunday, Strange Dream, Truvia Sweetener!

Written yesterday.

Ah! Saturday night I thought I just had a bad cough from smoking cigarettes. When I was not able to eat Sunday I realized I was sick. When I laid back down and slept all day with an acute headache, feeling both hot and cold, I realized was very sick. I slept through Saturday night, Sunday day, Sunday night, and most of Monday and Monday night. That is a lot of sleep. I had a strange continuous dream on Sunday, the day I was most sick. I dreamed that my bed covers were akin to a chess board, and also that they were like pages of a very large tome gently flipping over me. For a moment it felt like a book on chess, at another it felt like the C.G Jung autobiography, the contents were being imprinted into my consciousness… Monday day comes and I’m still sick but better, much less a cough, prim enough to write this. My appetite has been low, all I have eaten today [now yesterday] was pop-tarts for breakfast. Coincidentally, a housemate gave me some “Truvia” sweetener for my tea. Some kind of stevia and something else that begins with an E (Erythritol), it is a coincidence because I heard some [friends of mine] talking about it in a chat shortly before…

So long to the Holidays

“So long to the Holidays,” that is the name of a song by Ugly Casanova. As it is Valentines day, it is an apt song to listen to especially after hearing a song that struck me reminiscent of that childhood band. Here in the Starbucks at Target, I stepped away to use the restroom and heard a familiar lyric I recognized as a lyric from Ugly Casanova’s “Hotcha Girls.” I was right after a quick search in Google revealed a Reddit post “New Toro Y Moi song contains Ugly Casanova lyrics!”

Well here I am, an isolated Valentines Day, and in spite of a rather embarrassing previous post from years ago (a “Love Letter” written during a DXM trip) I have decided to take up blogging once again. Anticipating this.


To My Love

Hello you, I hope you know who you are. This is me. I have a confession to make. Well, here it goes. I have fallen in love with you. Maybe I can get to you in this message. Nobody will know about this really, except for random people on the internet. L ❤ This is kind of a freestyle love letter so… yeah. This may be a long shot, I’ve written letters like these before to people in my past and people think I’m just making a big joke but I was always sincere. It’s been about a year since I went completely crazy, things are finally starting to calm down and I’m getting back to my old self. Well, truth is, I see a lot in you L, you’re very smart. And it’s also been about a year since that night. I was tripping really hard that night. You told me not to tell anyone about it on facebook when I already told the person who I thought was my closest friend at the time. But truth is, I didn’t really tell anyone about what happened (in my world) that night. I was very attracted to you, and still am. Pineapple… I don’t know how to coherently explain the pomegranate that I go through. But that night is the night I think my third eye opened. It’s hard to explain. I had been listening to a lot of zen Buddhism seminars at the time and had been doing lots of Kundalini Yoga. That night was an experience like none I’ve ever had. I would’ve totally had sex with you if I had a condom, sorry… but if you don’t want sex then I respect that and will continue to love you. I have fear, fear of losing people that I am consciously attracted to, you’re one of those people. I felt like I was on ecstasy when we got in bed. And I was tripping so hard that I thought I saw you shapeshift. It was beautiful, but I didn’t want to say anything. Anyways, what really got me that night was an out of body experience before I fell asleep. It was weird. Then, something really beautiful happened to me. It was so real, and I don’t even know how to put it words. But it was something like this.That night I could feel my inner vibration. And I saw that vibration. Also, it seemed like I saw your vibration too. And yours was that of an angel to me. One of our vibrations was a beautiful red, the other was a very beautiful yellow. Everything else was pitch black. And those vibrations became one. It was the best feeling I’ve ever had. I felt so much love coming through you. ❤ I love you very much, I just wanted you to know that. I fantasize about you sometimes. I never really had a girlfriend. I had some in middle school but I was too young then for those times to mean that much to me… Ugh… I feel like a child stuck in a man’s body. And nobody understands me. But I want you to see who I really am. And I want to see who you really are. I love you I love you I love you. ❤ I’ve also had a very meaningful dream that ended with you before that night. In the dream, I went to the pond by Steven’s house. Where I found a mushroom and ate it. Then I saw things like I was on shrooms, and it was spectacular. The dream ended with me going to your house. Where we played Nintendo 64 and Playstation. Then the dream became intimate and I woke up. That is one of my favorite dreams ever. I’m just going on and on aren’t I? Well I’ll try to end this soon. I love you ❤ I think you’re a very beautiful girl on the inside and out. And the love I have for the people I love is unconditional. So no matter what happens, I will always love you. Just wanted to get this out. Sorry if I’m a creep.

Love, Maximilian.

P.S: You mean a lot to me. I am very glad I met you Luis. I hope something good comes out of this.

P.S.S: Please don’t be afraid.

Love ya!

Dear Aids

Dear Aids,
You should make the rain go away. And move to antarctica. And sail ships on the moon. How often do suck up ramen noodles? ANywas, lets have a party where pirates open up their harts and fight ghosts witch pencils. The ocean is going to shake hands with your shitty fucking virus one day. I feel like there’s fiberglass deep within my blood cells, and im not talking about the white house. aDAM f and eve ate a snake of fruit of the root of science and became pure so god punished them for their hair. People with brown eyes can never cross the bridge to the other side, but if they reincarnate with a different eye color based on their deeds in a past life they can cros the bridge, by the way, if you tried to cross the bridge with brown eyes, you will burn to ashes.Yggdrasil is the biggest tree of chakra and chi and kundalini in the hole world, its roots are made up of snakes and dragons. and it has a bunch tongues with eyes on them. and its also the most efficient fastest best quickest ever calculator. You should do an exercise in kundalini yoga called sat kriya. You only have to do it for 3 minutes whenever you feel like it, and while you do you chant SAT NAM, which rhymes with butt mon. It means truth is my true identity. When you do it you have your arms up, your head in gelenderbum so you can feel slight pulling on the back of your neck. as you say Sat, pull in your naval and bring the energy of the universe up through your spine and out your third eye. also, you have tense your back muscles and pull up on your anus muscles. You can do sat kriya as long as you want. after you do it, it is very important to rest for as long as you did or as twice as long as you did so you can stay grounded and integrate your energies through your concsciousness. Also, at the end of the exercise it is very important to imagine channeling the energy up from the base of your spine out through your crown chakra and/or the spirals at the top of your head. then gently sweep your hands through your aura and proceed with your eyes closed and start to rest. all the time while you’re doing this you have to focus you’re eyesight on your third eye chakra, which is the point in between your brows. you will feel a coil like a snake going up your back three times. There’s a video that shows how to do this exercise i’ll link it to you.

Fuck Off Aids, Love, Tomasz

The Holy Trinity (Positive, Negative, Neutral)

First off, I must apologize if the title is offensive or misleading in anyway; it was the first thought of a title that came to my mind. I was told earlier by someone (or something) that there were three types of lies, and I didn’t give it much thought and ignored it. Later in the day when exercising, the concept of three types of lies had hit me. This concept doesn’t just apply to lying, but also to perspective and intentions.

Positive is good, people who have wired their brains with good attitudes live mostly happy lives and make good contributions to the world and to mankind. And generally, good people with positive attitudes do have good intentions, though mistakes are natural. I could lie to someone about a painkiller that is really a sugar pill and by doing this I could heal that person thanks to the placebo affect. Or I could give a young boy courage in what he is doing with a “lucky” charm.

The sickening lies are easily the ones that you would know as negative. Telling someone they are ugly (honestly beauty is relative, I see beauty in things people see as ugly), making false promises, etc. These are things that hurt people in the end. Generally, a negative perspective doesn’t do any good, and again, mistakes are natural. You can easily turn negativity into positivity through some applied thinking and love.

Neutrality is strange, it can be humorous, boring, all kinds of things but doesn’t really fall into positive/negative (unless you look at it that way xD). A neutral perspective doesn’t really serve a significant role. Watching two people debate politics but not getting involved is an example of being neutral. I can’t really say if there is such thing as a neutral intention, that is tricky because I think of neutral as not having any intentions. For example, the glass of water sitting by my monitor as I type this is neutral because it does not have any positive or negative intentions for me (that I know of), it just neutrally sits there and neutrally allows me to drink from it. I suppose a neutral lie would be one that doesn’t do any harm or good: my desk is made of pure gold.

I have concluded in my own analysis that lying is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps lying can be good if it has good intentions, and people might be able to see past lies that are really good if they can obtain a positive point of view. The three types of lies I imagine would be positive, negative, and neutral. I wonder if that is correct.

From Sorrow to Pleasure

If I could make a graph of my emotions, it would probably look a lot like a sine wave where y = level of happiness/depression and x = time, though I think the amplitude of the wave would increase as time increases. As a matter of fact, it would look something like this (please excuse my paint skills):



Whenever I do something that I feel is wrong or mess something up, I slip into the blue lines where I am sorrowful and sometimes a little suicidal. After being in the blue for awhile, I will naturally go back to the red lines where I am full of joy, love, happiness, and other good things. Now I must state that I do not necessarily consider myself Christian, but I am a reader of the Bible and am indeed moved and inspired by the story of Jesus Christ. Here is what Jesus had to say about Sorrow:


Though being in the state of the blue lines really does suck, I would not trade the time I had during then for anything else; my suffering lead me to feel greater than ever once I had begun to get my emotions back up. Now I do believe in God, or a conscious force of nature that is omnipotent and is loving, and has a plan to put us all where we belong. When we will get there is something I have no clue of, and it could be an extremely long time, but that would just make it better once we are finally there (patience is a virtue). I understand that some people feel as if they are always in the blue lines, and there is no hope for them, and they will reach out to external sources in order to fill the hollow, yet they only get worse. From my experience, I have found that what gets me out of unwanted emotions is my intuition. Looking deep inside myself for answers, and continuously thinking about what’s going on, and BOOM! HAPPINESS! Realizing that my intuition was a supreme trait beforehand, this verse in the Bible had screamed out to me:



People who are full of sorrow and are unable to get themselves out of a bottomless pit will eventually be forgotten and deemed insignificant, yet the people who use their intuitive minds can rise from this pit in an instance and feel as if they’re in heaven; for which cause we faint not.

As a conclusion, I recommend reading chapter 7 of 2 Corinthians (Joyful in Tribulation).



The Modern World

Where are we going in this ocean of a chaotic world? More wars, more pecuniary systems, more hatred, the list could go on quite a bit. As the tensions between countries, religions, and public opinions grow, the more serious the situation will be when it hits the fan. So many people are caught up in thinking about themselves and worthless objects to the point where they are unable to see the world as it is; a big human mess heading for disaster.

A long time ago, a man drew an imaginary line in the dirt and created his country. This man probably had good intentions, he just wanted to help form a community of people to help each other signified by an area of land. Other men at the time had done the same thing, but they were a bit different so war and violence was brought about as a result of indifference. Men would like to justify wars by saying it was to gain resources, to gain a positive political achievement, or to protect a nation. There are far more than enough resources on this planet’s surface to give every human being enough food combined with good living conditions. In fact, the resources that are supposedly being fought for today (oil) are exactly what cause economic collapse. Politics doesn’t seem to have the benefit of the people in mind either, most political leaders that have the potential to make a positive change are more interested in their own personal gain. Politics also has a lot of negative propaganda, and leads to false beliefs among people about another, or their own, country. The most disgusting part of war is the claim that it is to protect a country. Chances are that if you are a civilian living in a western civilization, you see no threat of foreign warmongers blowing up your environment. The real threat is nit-picking wars with weaker countries and stating that death of innocent men, women, and children is just “collateral damage.” This national protection propaganda leads to fear and insecurity among the people living within a country, creates more tensions, and is overall more harmful than good. War is not the answer to one nation liking fruits while another nation prefers vegetables.

Religion is a major issue, there are so many different religions with so many different interpretations and people feel the need to fight over it. What many people fail to see, is that underneath the literal differences and appearances of different religions, is that virtually all religions are saying the same thing in attempt to benefit mankind. Love is the key, only pure open-heart unconditional love will conquer hatred and fear. Religions teach about spirit, that people should be loving and good, not to fight someone else if their view is slightly different. Historically, religions have been used negatively. I truly believe that the Bible has a lot of good things to say, but Christianity has completely destroyed many artistic and meaningful cultures by claiming they’re evil and by forcing others to convert or face death. All of the different interpretations and beliefs of religion revolve around the same fundamental meaning, yet there is a virus-like hatred between them.

People are people, we are all different, we all have different colors, different thoughts, different wants and different needs. This is something we need to understand and accept. Opinions are opinions and they all have some significance and shouldn’t be ignored. No matter what the circumstances, if person A and person B have different honest views on the same subject, then both of these views are a matter of opinion. There is a possibility that person A is right while person B is wrong and vice versa. There is also the possibility that they are both just wrong. If these persons have closed minds, and don’t listen to each other, they end up becoming binary oppositions and will never find a peaceful coexistence with each other. Should people today be arguing about a favorite color? And is carping about opinions and freedom going to help in any way?

Questions lead to thought, and thought simply leads to more thought. Today people are so caught up in thoughts, they don’t know what is going on and they start leading stressful lives. All of the homework that youths have to do after an already dreaded day of school, all of the automatic jobs that people despise, all of the pecuniary systems that a citizen must obey, all of the gunk that accumulates in people’s cars, it all builds up and causes internal suffering. All of this suffering distracts from the big picture, from what is really going on. There is practically a genocide of Palestinian people in Israel that the U.S government seems to fully support, innocent deaths in wars for nothing, a youth that is being degraded to drugs and depression while the ambitious are all in it for the money, guns are purposefully being given to irresponsible people, etc. More money is spent on war than anything else. Resources are pretending to be a big issue (while somebody profits) when there is plenty of oil and even when there are plenty of alternate forms of energy that simply can’t be marketed as easily. More trees and ecosystems than we need are being raped. There are so many of us on this planet, yet there is still enough to go around, it’s as if the global community is being led by talking monkeys. Why hate each other? Why care about materials such as gold and paper money when in reality, they are worthless?

Locusts have no choice but to be locusts and consume the crops that they eat to survive. Bumblebees have no choice but to be bumblebees and spread pollen from flower to flower. Humans are a bit different, we can choose to do good or to do bad. We have the gift of freedom of choice, but we use it so shamefully. So much positive potential in the human race yet the reality of its existence is extremely negative. We can sink or swim, I am begging all of you to use your freedom of choice.