Procrastinating…f Phone didn’t come in the mail this week. Making a lot of MUSIC, with FL Studio, I’m getting better at this. Must continue downloading random free samples. Made quick mandala recently, originally drafted on a sticky note looking better than the reproduction in my composition book. “Autodrawing,” it looks like a snowflake with a bowling ball face. Snowflake? I dreamed the other day about “snow lost.” I was shaving off snowflakes from a miniature snowflake garden (like the Zen sand gardens) singing “snow lost, snow lost” as a girl hums pleasantly corresponding to the singing as I wake up…
If I could make a graph of my emotions, it would probably look a lot like a sine wave where y = level of happiness/depression and x = time, though I think the amplitude of the wave would increase as time increases. As a matter of fact, it would look something like this (please excuse my paint skills):
Whenever I do something that I feel is wrong or mess something up, I slip into the blue lines where I am sorrowful and sometimes a little suicidal. After being in the blue for awhile, I will naturally go back to the red lines where I am full of joy, love, happiness, and other good things. Now I must state that I do not necessarily consider myself Christian, but I am a reader of the Bible and am indeed moved and inspired by the story of Jesus Christ. Here is what Jesus had to say about Sorrow:
Though being in the state of the blue lines really does suck, I would not trade the time I had during then for anything else; my suffering lead me to feel greater than ever once I had begun to get my emotions back up. Now I do believe in God, or a conscious force of nature that is omnipotent and is loving, and has a plan to put us all where we belong. When we will get there is something I have no clue of, and it could be an extremely long time, but that would just make it better once we are finally there (patience is a virtue). I understand that some people feel as if they are always in the blue lines, and there is no hope for them, and they will reach out to external sources in order to fill the hollow, yet they only get worse. From my experience, I have found that what gets me out of unwanted emotions is my intuition. Looking deep inside myself for answers, and continuously thinking about what’s going on, and BOOM! HAPPINESS! Realizing that my intuition was a supreme trait beforehand, this verse in the Bible had screamed out to me:
People who are full of sorrow and are unable to get themselves out of a bottomless pit will eventually be forgotten and deemed insignificant, yet the people who use their intuitive minds can rise from this pit in an instance and feel as if they’re in heaven; for which cause we faint not.
As a conclusion, I recommend reading chapter 7 of 2 Corinthians (Joyful in Tribulation).